The world is going to hell. In 50 years there won’t be any humans on this planet, there’ll just be mindless zombies rolling in their own shit. Why? Because we’ll all have become so afraid of not doing what’s “PC” (politically correct) and just stopped doing anything altogether. Our brains will slowly lose their higher functions and we’ll revert to the basics: eat, sleep and poop.

So who’s to blame for this? The favourite of the suburban housewives, the soccer mom. These parents, with no job to go to, end up spending their time reading up on the latest lethal toy, violent video game and threat to their child. Like for instance, projectile candy. It’s panto season and one of the traditions of panto is that the baddie throws out “poison” sweets to the children in the audience. This year the Citizens Theatre in Glasgow has been warned not to do that, in case a child gets struck by a candy and the parents sue. What. The. Fuck?

Ross was telling me about Gill’s interview last week, it was a group interview. They asked all the people what experience they had with children and one of the candidates said she was experienced in  looking after retards. Apparently it’s still socially acceptable to use the word, yet here you would likely be arrested or thrown out. If we’re told what’s acceptable in public then we have no way to figure out for ourselves, we’re just mindless drones.

So next time you’re in Suburbia, watch out for the queen bee. They just might think you’re a threat.

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